Sunday, January 18, 2009
Do you ever sit back and silently evaluate your life and your friendships and the relationships that surround you? I do, all the time, I am constantly taking it all in. I can safely say that I observe more than any one person I know. This has to do with my fascination with people and the way we each respond to certain things and our varying differences. I am constantly aware, for better or worse, of how the way I act affects other people. I don't think, actually I know for a fact, that other people are not as aware of this as I am. Sometimes it is a blessing in disguise, other times it is a pain in the ass. Why is that I am so conscious of other people's emotions that sometimes it affects the way I am. I mean, I truly have sympathy for people when they are in pain, when they are happy, sad, scared, nervous, excited, anxious etc. I am not sure that anyone is that intuitive about my emotions, and the way that I will react. Often times, people have me pegged as the wrong person. I have a "friend" who didn't want to tell me something she was going through because she thought I would be disappointed in her situation. In all actuality, my first instinct is to sympathize with someone, to feel how they are feeling, and to feel for them and for what they are going through. Judging people is never one of my instincts. I guess this rant is more about my disappointment in her understanding of me and my capabilities as her friend. It hurts to know that someone who calls you their friend, doesn't trust you enough to let you help them go through this. And, not even that, doesn't trust that you are able to help them through that. It's the lack of confidence that kills, but then what kills even more is finding out that someone you really thought had that confidence and trust in you is defending the other party. I'm sorry, but I can tell you from personal experience and hardship that putting trust and confidence in your friends is the best way to find out who your true friends are. You shouldn't shut people out without even giving them the opportunity to prove you wrong. That is just how I feel about all of this, and is this is like my diary, I am writing it here, for everyone (or no one) to read!