When you hear the term "friend" what does that mean to you? To me, that means through thick and thin, through good and bad, without judgement, open arms, open heart, shoulder to lean on, FOREVER. It means love, it means I love you no matter what, I love you BECAUSE of you, not inspite of, it means FRIENDS first. I always put my friends before myself, or someone else's needs instead of mine. I am one of the most selfless people I know, and that is a bold statement. I don't mean to say it as a cocky thing, I mean to say it as a "what the fuck?" thing. How is it that someone who cares sooo much about other people, who is ALWAYS there for other people in whatever way possible, is constantly getting shit on.
It truly is amazing that I am still standing on two feet and still as happy as I am. It definitely took me a loong time to grow into my skin. To develop to be the strong, synical, comical, genuine (meh I was always genuine), independent, intelligent woman that I am.
I have consistently put my friendships ahead of my work and ahead of me in many cases. Apparently when the reverse came to be, the same was not true of my friends. Apparently their work was more important than their friendships, their love, the fundamental basis for being. It's happen with more than one of my friends (maybe I should be air quoting that, the term friend might be a little iffy.)
I feel like I often say I am shocked and amazed about something, which is what I thought for a split second here, but then was overcome with anger. It takes a lot to get me angry, to make me shed tears, to make my heart palpitate like it is about to jump out of my chest and run a marathon. This happened recently.
that's my rant since i can't make any more sense of it...sigh