So I'm 27 now, have been for almost a month now and I feel like I am at a place in my life where I really know who I am and am proud of it. I think it takes a everyone different experiences in their life and different moments to really get to that point where they say, "this is who I am and I am damn proud of where I've been and what I've become." I can tell you that the path that lead me here (and I actually got here a while ago but am just now taking the time to reflect on this) was full of every emotion under the sun. I went from being that the eternally happy child to a cynical adult full of sarcasm, compassion, love and eternal optimism ever-still. I long for the great experiences that got me here, tuck away the painful heart-ache and trauma that built me up stronger, and try to live every day to the fullest. I have a group of friends, who probably don't know it, but who have allowed me to really be me. I think it is soo important to have that, to be able to say that your friends know you are, inside and out, and love every inch of your being. I have always said that my friends are my anchors, they keep me afloat. More than ever, I think it is so important to be able to say "this is who I am; love it or leave it." Our world is soo different from what it was centuries ago, decades ago, years ago, days ago, hours ago. We are ever-evolving and for that purpose I am a go-with-the-flow kind of person. Sooo much has happened in my life where it is sooo important, soo powerful right then and there. That power fades and slowly but surely something else grabs a hold of your emotions. I prefer not to waste my time thinking about what might of been, I like to think about what's happening now and what will be
.... and on that note I'm done talking...peace, love & happiness
Monday, April 28, 2008
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Nerves, Nerves, Nerves
Have you ever felt your heart just stop and start again? I have, it is a crazy feeling when you catch it, and it is even crazier to think about because it makes you feel a little bit like your nuts. So many things in the past few months have made me feel a little but like I'm nuts. Fortunately, I have had time to reflect on the things that have made feel a little nuts. A lot of times, I don't think people really take the time to think about and reflect on what is happening in their lives, around them, to the people around them etc. I think it is important to think about and read in to those happenings to help you understand yourself and your life a bit better. I think too often people are in a rush to go nowhere, and no one takes the time to really get things. I like to think that I really get things, and because of that, I see the world in a whoooole different light.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
You Doubt My Truth, That Hurts
I am paralyzed by the doubt I hear in the voices of people I call friends, people that I would expect to have engaged in a feeling of care and concern after what I told them, people that doubt my truth. As it turns out, THE TRUTH for you all on the dubious side, I was drugged on Friday night at a bar. Trust me, this was not my first reaction to the events that happened after a night of light drinking for me. We went to the bar around 6:30pm and I was there until about 10pm. In that time period I consumed 2 drinks and one shot, pretty spaced out. I already felt pretty drunk after my first drink, but didn't think much of it. Later in the night I started to feel really weird, I thought it was just that I was too drunk and should go home, but I know that I felt a different drunk, not the drunk you normally feel, I felt strange and weird. I walked the one block back to my apartment, talked to my roommate for a minute and then literally passed out. I woke up to a pool of vomit in my bed, because I had apparently thrown up in my sleep. I spent most of my Saturday morning, from about 6 am to 10 am in the bathroom trying to regain my sense of being a living creature. It took me much of the day to recover from this physically. Mentally and emotionally I have not yet recovered. After talks with friends, and the pieces of my Friday night somewhat put back together, it became evident that I experienced all the classic symptoms of being drugged. I don't remember a chunk of my night, my senses were completely out of whack and the fact that I threw up in my sleep further solidified what I hoped was not true, but indeed that I was drugged.
Now imagine how scary that is, and then imagine telling your friends about this and MOST of them express serious concern and it makes you feel a sense of security to know that you have these people that are genuinely concerned. Then you have the people that seem to think that this is just an indication that you are a lightweight, or that this is just too crazy to be true. I want to know how someone who knows you, knows you don't lie, in fact, can't tell a lie to save your life, could even possibly doubt that this is true. I just want to put this out there in the universe that I am completely offended as an honest human being and as these people's friends that could doubt my truth, that instead of concern I get belittling comments and snide remarks.
Truthfully, BECAUSE I DON'T LIE, that hurts.
Now imagine how scary that is, and then imagine telling your friends about this and MOST of them express serious concern and it makes you feel a sense of security to know that you have these people that are genuinely concerned. Then you have the people that seem to think that this is just an indication that you are a lightweight, or that this is just too crazy to be true. I want to know how someone who knows you, knows you don't lie, in fact, can't tell a lie to save your life, could even possibly doubt that this is true. I just want to put this out there in the universe that I am completely offended as an honest human being and as these people's friends that could doubt my truth, that instead of concern I get belittling comments and snide remarks.
Truthfully, BECAUSE I DON'T LIE, that hurts.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Honesty...
Honesty is kind of hard word to define, and probably one that most people define differently. The first word in relation to honesty is that it is a quality. A quality is a charcterisitic or a trait. One of the things that makes us all intrinsically human is that we all have the capability to do what is right, to act responsibly, truthfully and honestly. The problem in human life lies where the responsibilty, the truth and the honesty should be directed. Some people do it all for their families, some people do it for themselves, some do it for their countries and some people do it for their jobs. Everyone's sense of responsibilty,truth and honesty is different, we all meausre it differently which makes it hard to define.
What I think should be universal is that we should all be honest with eachother and with ourselves. Everyone who knows me knows that I am an honest person, pretty blunt, a tell it like it is kind of person. I do this because I don't think there is any need to sugar coat things or play games. I think you should be able to say to someone I feel this way, or I think this, and this is why and go from there. For example...I think that life is waaaay to short to sweat the small stuff, and that people always think they can do it tomorrow, or a week from now, whatever, and people take for granted that tomorrow, a week from now, whatever, will be here. We do not know for sure that it will be. I also think that people make it really hard for everyone else to be honest, because people read too much into things, or just take from it what they want to create their own truths.
This is officially one of my little rants, because I think people rely too much on other people's truth and it makes us all incapable of being who we really want to be, or who we really should or could be.
What I think should be universal is that we should all be honest with eachother and with ourselves. Everyone who knows me knows that I am an honest person, pretty blunt, a tell it like it is kind of person. I do this because I don't think there is any need to sugar coat things or play games. I think you should be able to say to someone I feel this way, or I think this, and this is why and go from there. For example...I think that life is waaaay to short to sweat the small stuff, and that people always think they can do it tomorrow, or a week from now, whatever, and people take for granted that tomorrow, a week from now, whatever, will be here. We do not know for sure that it will be. I also think that people make it really hard for everyone else to be honest, because people read too much into things, or just take from it what they want to create their own truths.
This is officially one of my little rants, because I think people rely too much on other people's truth and it makes us all incapable of being who we really want to be, or who we really should or could be.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Ousted
Hmm, do you ever feel like you have been ousted off of an Island that you had a hand in building?!? That's how I currently feel. It's funny too, because I ALWAYS said I wanted a private island and have been very careful in handing out invitations. To this day I think I have officially invited less than 5 people to my island. That being said, I am usually a pretty good judge of character. I have probably incorrectly judged someone's character in about 3% of people I have met. Those are pretty good odds.
It's funny though how if you "invite" someone somewhere, they then turn-around and the close the door on you. Funny.
But guess what, Karma's a bitch!
It's funny though how if you "invite" someone somewhere, they then turn-around and the close the door on you. Funny.
But guess what, Karma's a bitch!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Roe V. Wade Anniversary
So today is the 35th anniversary of Roe V. Wade, the historical decision of the Supreme Court to legalize abortion. I find myself feeling like I have to talk about this topic. For a large portion of my life I found myself 200% pro-life, always thinking that people that have abortions are all irresponsible sex-craving kids who were too young to be having sex and deal with the consequences. Without question, I was not only ignorant and judgemental in this, I was wrong. While there are some people that use Abortion as a form of birth control, there are just as many people that find themselves in a really hard place when they see that test turn positive.
When this matter hit close to home, I had no choice but to re-position my thoughts on this matter. While I do think that every child has a right to life, I also think that every woman has the right to decide what is best for her, for her body, for her future and for the future of that child. There is no reason that ANYONE should ever be able to tell you that you have to have a child. This is on EVERY level a personal, individual, person-by-person situation that can't and shouldn't be mandated by any governing body of law. I think that until you are in, or you know someone in, this situation you can't pass judgement on it. Feel free to think whatever you want, but it is completely unfair for you to protest this so adamantly. Because until you are that person that has to live with the guilt of your decision every single day, until you are that person that has to agonize over making that decision, until you are that person that thinks about this every time you even think about having sex, or every time you have sex, until you live 1 single day in the mind of someone that has had to have an abortion and you understand what happens to their psyche after a decision and a process like this, there is a chance that you may not be able to even begin to tell them how much you protest this, how against this you are, because you will realize it is much more than what you are protesting, it is much more than your convictions and your feelings, it is so much more than politics, it is people and it is personal.
Maybe these pro-life protesters should take the time to sit down with someone that has had to go through this and see what this person is like. Learn that this person is not the devil that you paint them out to be, realize, that maybe they have a lot of the same thoughts as you. All I'm saying is until it hits home for you, maybe you shouldn't judge, maybe your efforts should be concentrated on issues that really need to be fought.
When this matter hit close to home, I had no choice but to re-position my thoughts on this matter. While I do think that every child has a right to life, I also think that every woman has the right to decide what is best for her, for her body, for her future and for the future of that child. There is no reason that ANYONE should ever be able to tell you that you have to have a child. This is on EVERY level a personal, individual, person-by-person situation that can't and shouldn't be mandated by any governing body of law. I think that until you are in, or you know someone in, this situation you can't pass judgement on it. Feel free to think whatever you want, but it is completely unfair for you to protest this so adamantly. Because until you are that person that has to live with the guilt of your decision every single day, until you are that person that has to agonize over making that decision, until you are that person that thinks about this every time you even think about having sex, or every time you have sex, until you live 1 single day in the mind of someone that has had to have an abortion and you understand what happens to their psyche after a decision and a process like this, there is a chance that you may not be able to even begin to tell them how much you protest this, how against this you are, because you will realize it is much more than what you are protesting, it is much more than your convictions and your feelings, it is so much more than politics, it is people and it is personal.
Maybe these pro-life protesters should take the time to sit down with someone that has had to go through this and see what this person is like. Learn that this person is not the devil that you paint them out to be, realize, that maybe they have a lot of the same thoughts as you. All I'm saying is until it hits home for you, maybe you shouldn't judge, maybe your efforts should be concentrated on issues that really need to be fought.
The Way I See It #280
"You can learn a lot more from listening than you can from talking. Find someone with whom you don’t agree in the slightest and ask them to explain themselves at length. Then take a seat, shut your mouth, and don’t argue back. It’s physically impossible to listen with your mouth open."
-- John Moe
Radio host and author of Conservatize Me.
I LOVE this quote, I think that everyone should try this once in a while!!
-- John Moe
Radio host and author of Conservatize Me.
I LOVE this quote, I think that everyone should try this once in a while!!
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
2008 is bound to be GREAAATT!!!
I actually, for once in my life, feel like things are starting to fall right into place. I started off the new year doing EXACTLY what I wanted to do, and I made the bold decision to stop chasing things and let them chase me. I have a feeling that 2008 is really going to be great!!!
Top 10 Reasons for a Great '08
10. HELLOO Elections!! There is real potential for either a Woman or a Black Man to be elected to office, AND I can't friggin' wait. 2008 my friends, let's get with it!
9. Work, It's a definite plus when you go back to some place at the beginning of the year without hesitation, and with a clear head!
8. My morale budget at Morpheus. Keeping up Morale isn't everyone's forte, but it is my passion :)
7. A potential February visit, with a real possibility!
6. My team at work, we got a restructure, but I could not be happier about the people on my team!! TEAM PINEAPPLE EXPRESS SMELLLLSS GOOD :) :) (On that note, the movie is also coming out this year!)
5. The (RED) Campaign, they only have the potential to get better, more partners, more products, more relief for people with HIV and AIDS
4. Rori's Wedding
3. Andy & Brendan's Wedding
2. I'm FINALLY getting a brother that I LOOOOOVE
1. Friends And Family... Can't live with 'em, SURE AS HELLL can't live without them!!
Top 10 Reasons for a Great '08
10. HELLOO Elections!! There is real potential for either a Woman or a Black Man to be elected to office, AND I can't friggin' wait. 2008 my friends, let's get with it!
9. Work, It's a definite plus when you go back to some place at the beginning of the year without hesitation, and with a clear head!
8. My morale budget at Morpheus. Keeping up Morale isn't everyone's forte, but it is my passion :)
7. A potential February visit, with a real possibility!
6. My team at work, we got a restructure, but I could not be happier about the people on my team!! TEAM PINEAPPLE EXPRESS SMELLLLSS GOOD :) :) (On that note, the movie is also coming out this year!)
5. The (RED) Campaign, they only have the potential to get better, more partners, more products, more relief for people with HIV and AIDS
4. Rori's Wedding
3. Andy & Brendan's Wedding
2. I'm FINALLY getting a brother that I LOOOOOVE
1. Friends And Family... Can't live with 'em, SURE AS HELLL can't live without them!!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Ambiguity...
I really hate ambiguity, but I think a lot of times it is something people create all on their own. The best way to avoid it, is just to talk about shit. If you want to know something ask it. If you want to make an awkward situation less awkward, talk about it.. Life is too short for us to sit and wonder why. That is why I often say to people, I don't play by the rules. Who the fuck needs rules? Everybody is different, we all react different ways to the same situations. People say don't do this, you should do this...I say, DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!!
Monday, December 24, 2007
Say What You Feel...
I'm a firm believer in saying what you feel and what you believe. You really do have nothing to lose and you will live your life regretting that you never said anything. That's no way to LIVE.
So on that note:
here is a quote from my most favorite author:
"Be who you are
and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter,
and those that matter, don't mind"
DR.SEUSS
So on that note:
here is a quote from my most favorite author:
"Be who you are
and say what you feel
because those who mind don't matter,
and those that matter, don't mind"
DR.SEUSS
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Seriously...
People just suck, I think that is my official human decision. And maybe it is not that people suck, maybe it is just that some people can't see beyond the bubble they've created around themselves to acknowledge the fact that the world doesn't revolved around them. Don't get me wrong, ALL people don't suck, but there is a percentage of society out there that truly does suck. There are just simple courtesy's that one should be able to expect in a life time, that because other people are ignorant to it, can't.
Really, just once, it would be nice if people realized how their actions effect others.
That's all
I'm out!
Really, just once, it would be nice if people realized how their actions effect others.
That's all
I'm out!
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
"Where The Streets Have No Name...."
My friend sent this to me and it made think about all the possibilities that are out there. This is soo cool that this person is having all these amazing experiences!
ENJOY!!!
"What can I say? This is truly yet another experience of a lifetime.
I have canoed on the Orange River, which divides South Africa and Namibia, and seen the rare Goliath Heron take flight immediately in front of me.
I have driven stick shift on the wrong side of the road with my friend Hillary GAGGING with laugther.
I have camped under a 500-year-old acacia tree ridden with all manner of songbirds.
I have slept in a hammock under a canopy of stars (all completely visible since there is minimal light reflection out in the desert). You haven't stargazed until you've done so from a desert.
I have endured crazy, windy sandstorms blowing straight through our campsite, depositing POUNDS of sand everywhere.
I have bonded with my very fun group of Aussies, Kiwis, and Brits. To the point of ALL 10 of us SKYDIVING above the Namib desert...absolutely stunning and incredible experience.
I have swum in the frigid-but-turquoise beaches of beautifully set Cape Town.
I have climbed Dune 45 in Sossusvlei at 5 in the morning to watch the sun rise over the red sands.
I have been airborne whilst quad-biking on the vast expanse of dunes near Swakopmund.
I have wandered just about every kind of desert available, and recognising how precious water resources are in this world.
I have woken up next to jackals, baboons, and oryx, ravaging through our trash for food.
I have sat atop our truck with a cold beer in hand, while watching the sun set over Fish River Canyon, 3rd largest in the world.
I have learned that oysters are best eaten with a dash of salt and pepper, a squeeze of lemon, 3 drops of tabasco, and a splash of tequila before pouring it down ones throat.
I have danced the night away at discos playing nothing but Africa dance music to very enthusiastic crowds.
And the best part? This is only half-way over! In an hour we head off to go bush camping in a very spiritual place...Spitzkoppe. After that we head to the various game parks and reserves and experience true wildlife (I am EXCITED about gazing at majestic elephant herds!). Then Bots and Zim (the overlander terms for Botswana and Zimbabwe).
Before we reach Bots, though, we will camp near a school/orphanage, where we will interact with the local children properly, and provide them with a little love and happiness, perhaps a soccer game (I will let them win, of course!). I'm very much looking forward to that.
I feel very connected to this continent right now. And to myself. And life in general. Imagine listening to U2's Joshua Tree while hanging out the window of a large truck, feeling absolutely content, fulfilled, and appreciative of all things that have happened thus far in life...that's me right now. If only I could share this with all the ones I love, like, and honour. Hopefully one day I will get to. For now, however, this is mine, and I will enjoy it for what it is and what it is doing to my spirit.
To all those having bad weeks: hang in there. They won't last. There are too many no-named streets waiting to be explored, experienced, absorbed, to focus on the little things.
To all those having great weeks: I am with you in spirit, and hope to join you in person very soon.
Internet is a rarity in these parts, so next you hear from me is probably when I get back. I'm also sending this to random peeps, so feel free to forward to anyone at all interested."
ENJOY!!!
"What can I say? This is truly yet another experience of a lifetime.
I have canoed on the Orange River, which divides South Africa and Namibia, and seen the rare Goliath Heron take flight immediately in front of me.
I have driven stick shift on the wrong side of the road with my friend Hillary GAGGING with laugther.
I have camped under a 500-year-old acacia tree ridden with all manner of songbirds.
I have slept in a hammock under a canopy of stars (all completely visible since there is minimal light reflection out in the desert). You haven't stargazed until you've done so from a desert.
I have endured crazy, windy sandstorms blowing straight through our campsite, depositing POUNDS of sand everywhere.
I have bonded with my very fun group of Aussies, Kiwis, and Brits. To the point of ALL 10 of us SKYDIVING above the Namib desert...absolutely stunning and incredible experience.
I have swum in the frigid-but-turquoise beaches of beautifully set Cape Town.
I have climbed Dune 45 in Sossusvlei at 5 in the morning to watch the sun rise over the red sands.
I have been airborne whilst quad-biking on the vast expanse of dunes near Swakopmund.
I have wandered just about every kind of desert available, and recognising how precious water resources are in this world.
I have woken up next to jackals, baboons, and oryx, ravaging through our trash for food.
I have sat atop our truck with a cold beer in hand, while watching the sun set over Fish River Canyon, 3rd largest in the world.
I have learned that oysters are best eaten with a dash of salt and pepper, a squeeze of lemon, 3 drops of tabasco, and a splash of tequila before pouring it down ones throat.
I have danced the night away at discos playing nothing but Africa dance music to very enthusiastic crowds.
And the best part? This is only half-way over! In an hour we head off to go bush camping in a very spiritual place...Spitzkoppe. After that we head to the various game parks and reserves and experience true wildlife (I am EXCITED about gazing at majestic elephant herds!). Then Bots and Zim (the overlander terms for Botswana and Zimbabwe).
Before we reach Bots, though, we will camp near a school/orphanage, where we will interact with the local children properly, and provide them with a little love and happiness, perhaps a soccer game (I will let them win, of course!). I'm very much looking forward to that.
I feel very connected to this continent right now. And to myself. And life in general. Imagine listening to U2's Joshua Tree while hanging out the window of a large truck, feeling absolutely content, fulfilled, and appreciative of all things that have happened thus far in life...that's me right now. If only I could share this with all the ones I love, like, and honour. Hopefully one day I will get to. For now, however, this is mine, and I will enjoy it for what it is and what it is doing to my spirit.
To all those having bad weeks: hang in there. They won't last. There are too many no-named streets waiting to be explored, experienced, absorbed, to focus on the little things.
To all those having great weeks: I am with you in spirit, and hope to join you in person very soon.
Internet is a rarity in these parts, so next you hear from me is probably when I get back. I'm also sending this to random peeps, so feel free to forward to anyone at all interested."
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Circle of Life
Becca's Circle of Life
....sponsored by J. Driver
you talk, i listen, he learns, good plan
THAT IS THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
....sponsored by J. Driver
you talk, i listen, he learns, good plan
THAT IS THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
Sunday, November 11, 2007
A Clamp For My Head
This is the bajillionith sunday in a row that I have woken up and immediately have had to direct my attention towards my head. Today marked an official turning point though. I came to the realization that I need to buy a clamp for my head because the amount of pressure my head is letting out needs to be matched.
Don't worry, I too find it kind of funny that my initial reaction is not to stop drinking as uch, but to buy a clamp!!
I have to get back to nursing my hangover (yes it is 9 pm at night!)
Monday, November 05, 2007
Kind Words From Kim
First off many congrats to you Kim!!!
Second, here is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time:
"bottom line your freakin cool. so that drives men crazy"
Thank you, it's nice to hear that!
Second, here is the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time:
"bottom line your freakin cool. so that drives men crazy"
Thank you, it's nice to hear that!
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